DEAR CAT: I've been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. Everything is really good except in one area ... he can't always perform. Or, more specifically, he "won't" perform. This started happening (or not happening!) suddenly a month ago, and we haven't had sex in the past month. I'm talking about someone who loves sex, yet he doesn't seem bothered by this. Now I'm always the one who has to try and "get things going," and he just says he's not in the mood. Is this normal? My friends say it's common for sex to stop once you get into a relationship. He says it's never happened to him before sleeping with me, which makes me feel worse, although he says I'm not doing anything wrong. Alcohol is not the culprit, in case you were wondering that. I'm worried he's sleeping with someone else. Your call? -- FROM RAIN TO DROUGHT

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DEAR RAIN: You're right, it's not normal for a healthy man who loves sex to suddenly stop wanting it. Sex is often a barometer for the health of a relationship, and for a young, active couple to go completely without ... that's suspicious. Most worrisome to me is that he's making you feel like it's your fault. You two really need to talk about this, not because sex is the most important thing in the world but because this problem is affecting your trust (once you lose that the sex will never be great again). If he's cheating, would he admit it? Doubtful. But he needs to know how you feel, and you need to know what's driving this drought. I'm worried about your situation but ...

CAT'S CALL: I'm also worried about your friends if they think sex stops once a relationship starts.

DEAR CAT: My siblings and I are planning a surprise 80th birthday party for our mother. We have a few out-of-town guests who will be coming. Is it our responsibility to pay for their hotel stay? I say no, because it is their choice to attend. My sister says yes. Can you please let me know the proper way to handle this? -- BIRTHDAY BASHERS

DEAR B.B.: Before I take your side, I want to applaud you and your sister for planning the party -- it's a really fun and lovely idea that surely will be a hit no matter what you decide on this question. On that note, it is completely, totally and in all other ways not your responsibility to foot the hotel bill for out-of-town birthday party guests. Offering to help with the cost is a nice gesture, but it's unnecessary, and no guest would expect you to do so. Instead, you might want to seek out hotel deals nearby because that's a bit of legwork a guest would appreciate. Tell your sister not to worry and just use this time to plan the best party in the world and ...

CAT'S CALL: Leave the travel stress to the guests.

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